Eyes Full of Finally
by Nicky Evelyn
Summary: The first kiss, the one they never showed us. I made a fanfic challenge on my blog All Things Clarina and this is my version of how it happened. Enjoy.


**This was part of a fanfic challenge from the blog All Things Clarina. Since the show skipped their first kiss, we just had to write it ourselves. Here's my version of it.**

**...**

She hadn't seen this coming. She was standing just there where the road started to make a slight curve, she could see a large part of the house from here, but some trees made sure she was out of view from whoever was inside and happened to be looking out the window. The first steps towards the house had been determined, confident, but she found herself slowing down and now standing still, needing some unexpected extra time to process why she was actually here. What she was about to do.

It wasn't like she had no clue before, of course. She knew exactly why she was here. She'd known while making sure Ivan had his bag packed with all the right clothes and his toothbrush, she'd known when she heard him call her with a raised voice because he had been calling her three times already. But she was staring out the window, her thoughts elsewhere, before her son's voice brought her back. When she drove Ivan to the house where the sleepover was, she'd known even better because after dropping Ivan off she knew very well where she was going next.

Her heart had skipped a few beats when Ivan mentioned two days ago that he wouldn't be home that night. She had been unable to keep her thoughts from drifting off ever since. She hadn't seen Marina since that day in the Galpão, the only contact they had been having was that email, phone calls, whispered declarations of how much they missed each other, how much they wished they could be in each others arms right now, bathing in each other's scent, how much they missed feeling their fingers entwined, but they hadn't been able to make those desires a reality yet.

Things had been so hectic at home, after Cadu had left the apartment, Ivan was understandably upset with the situation and he had needed her more than ever. Naturally, she wasn't totally unaffected herself, so she had also needed time to let all that sink in, that her husband was actually gone, that she would be signing divorce papers soon. She knew it was inevitable, she knew it was the right thing to do in the end, but that doesn't mean that leaving ten years of marriage behind was something you shrug off just like that. So all in all, the time they didn't have to meet up, it was time she even sort of needed, to process the end of her marriage and all that it entailed, to make sure Ivan was alright, to make sure she was alright. She had accepted it now, as in, the new reality had finally sunk in. Even Ivan seemed to be smiling a bit more in the last couple of days and when he announced his sleepover party, he'd been no less than enthusiastic. Clara's heart felt a bit less heavy after that, he seemed to be coping a bit better.

But they still hadn't met. They could have probably found five minutes somewhere to meet up for a hug if they had wanted to, but somehow they both knew that wouldn't be enough, like they would have to rush a quick hug, a quick I love you, everything would have to be quick and hasty. If there was one thing Clara knew, it was that this was one thing, she did not want to rush. She had waited too long to rush it, to quickly get it over with. She didn't want to quickly get it over with. Not this.

She knew this moment would eventually come, she had felt it in the distance, while she was still dealing with everything at home. She knew it, but she didn't know when, so it was still something she couldn't really grasp. Too much to worry about at home to let herself be swept away by dreaming of being in her arms. Taking care of Ivan had almost made it easier, it had kept the inevitable moment as something abstract, something she could still only dream about. As long as it was that, she could deal with it. Ivan was always number one, as long as she knew she was needed by her son, she could somehow control it, she knew she would be able to deal.

But then everything changed. After two long emotional weeks of having to miss her, suddenly knowing when she would be going to Marina's house meant that it had become something she could define, something she could grasp. It was no longer a distant abstract idea which it had been for what felt like a lifetime. The moment he said it her body responded instinctively, because every single nerve inside her knew what that meant and she had hardly been able to keep herself focused on pretty much anything ever since.

Everything she saw around her reminded her somehow of Marina, her smile, her beauty, almost divine beauty, her cheekbones, her giggle, her ambition, her talent, her playfulness, her humor, her sensuality, her generosity, her smell, her eyes, those intense eyes, her passion, her hands, her lips, her touch. More than once she caught herself as her mind disappeared, but at least as many times she wasn't even aware of it. She drifted off to all her Marina places and every time she found her way back, it became a little more real, it became a bit more touchable. It was like she was collecting puzzle pieces and completing the puzzle would mean the moment was finally there.

She knew Marina would be home, but she hadn't told her she would be coming over. Somehow that step was the scariest of all, like she'd be jinxing it, like if she'd say it out loud to anyone, something would come up and she'd have to cancel. She couldn't risk doing that to Marina, she knew it would devastate her. If something came up and she had to postpone, Marina would be spared, she had suffered enough, Clara would suffer alone. Counting down the past two days felt more like two months to her, but at least she finally had a goal. She finally knew when she'd see her. She mostly knew it cause her emotions had taken the wheel lately, she was basically driven by what her heart wanted, what her heart needed to have. Now that her home situation had settled down, she could finally satisfy what she wanted.

She had been driven mostly by her feelings, even sort of willingly stepped aside to let them take her along. She had felt the need in herself, the desire, the emotional void that needed to be filled with Marina's voice, her smile, her hand inside her own, her touch, the comfort and safety that touch brought her. She had felt her body ache when she went to sleep at night alone, because she didn't have it. She couldn't stop herself from trying to imagine what would happen when the moment finally arrived, the shiver that raced down her spine when she did was both the most wonderful and promising thing ever, but at the same time nothing less than torture. Clara felt it all, the need, the drive, she felt it everywhere, right up until that moment where she parked her car, got out and started walking towards Marina's house. She had known of course, what she wanted to do when this moment arrived, what her body needed her to do, she knew what she wanted, what she felt, she'd felt it more powerful than anything had ever felt.

But the moment she saw the house in the distance when she was walking along the curve of the road, was the very moment she was hit with a whole new realization, one that she hadn't really taken into consideration yet and thus took her rather by surprise. Instead of being guided by need, by desire, by her feelings, Clara was confronted with the actual conscious thought of why she was here, what she was about to do. With that came the sudden but very rational realization of what that actually meant. She had needed this moment so badly through pure desire and the urge to feel complete that she'd basically just jumped on and surfed the waves of her own overpowering emotions right up to shore. But when she hit the beach, it was a landing she did not expect, because suddenly she was also hit with the bigger picture and the impact of it.

The bigger picture that her life was about to change radically. That she would walk in there as the Clara she was now, but she'd walk out a different woman. That all those moments where she almost, where she wanted to give in, all those times she looked in Marina's eyes and wanted to be lost forever but always had to be responsible and make sure she was found again, all those nights of falling asleep alone, knowing she'd find her in her dream and she could at least curl up to her there but dreading the moment she woke up because she'd find herself alone once again, all the times she saw her lips, how she sometimes allowed herself to trace them with her fingers but almost didn't dare to, because she knew she'd want to feel them with her own lips instead, all the times Marina's lips were inviting her by being irresistible, all the times that she wanted but couldn't and she could feel both their hearts crumble as she forced herself to walk away... All those moments...

She suddenly realized, like a wave crashing down on her because she underestimated its size and significance, that it all had all been leading up to this moment, to right now. That after right now, everything would be different. When she saw the house she didn't just feel it, it was the moment her rational thought caught on too and she never saw it coming.

She felt her heart beating in her throat, her head was spinning, she had to steady herself against a car that was conveniently parked next to her. As in some kind of accelerated slow motion she had already formed the thought and therefor had seen it, but her own subconscious had taken the words and shuffled them like a deck of cards, as if to cushion the blow. While she tried to get her breathing under control, words slowly were put in the correct order again until there it was. The bigger picture, which was that everything would be different because she was about to go into Marina's house, find her, tell her all the things she had to hold in previously, touch her in all the ways she never dared to tempt herself with before. She blinked when she could suddenly see it more clearly than ever, like her imagination was painting a picture to help her understand. She saw herself standing in Marina's room but mostly she saw Marina, perfect eyes that almost felt like a delicate touch on her skin, how she could almost feel how they caressed her and loved her everywhere they touched and looked. She saw herself shivering when she felt Marina's body against her own, then realized it wasn't Marina that had closed the gap but that she had done that herself. She could almost see the chill as it traveled down her spine. She saw herself leaning in and kissing Marina's cheek, how Marina closed her eyes, a smile on her lips, lips that were slightly parted in hungry anticipation, because a trail of kisses was about to reach them...

Clara's buckling knees brought her back to the street in front of Marina's house, almost violently taking her back to earth, back to reality and out of the most vivid daydream she had ever had. She was breathing quickly, still holding on to the car and didn't trust her knees enough to let go just yet. No dream, daydream, musing, vision or fantasy she'd ever had before had felt as real as this one, nothing had ever affected her as much as this just had. She could not only feel the raw and pure necessity, she could basically taste it, like a song without tones but with colors, endless combinations that kept you wanting to know more, what else might possible. It was dazzling.

After significant effort, Clara managed to get her breathing somewhat under control. She tried to process what she just saw, what it meant exactly, if it was even meant to mean something, or if her imagination was just getting really creative. Whatever it was, Clara was more than aware of the impact it had on both her body and her mind, so much that she didn't even bother to be embarrassed in case anybody happened to witness that little display of vivid daydreaming that she just experienced. After taking a few more deep breaths she knew what to do. She wouldn't find the answer out here and her gaze fell on the path a dozen meters in front of her, the one that led to Marina's front door. She didn't know the answer yet, she didn't even know the question really, but she did know that she was going inside right now. The only thing she knew for sure at this moment, was that Marina was inside, that she needed to be as well and the need was stronger than ever. She started walking the path towards the house.

She entered the studio quietly. It was still early in the day, so Marina could be anywhere. She knew that there was no photoshoot scheduled today and that most of the touching up for projects was mostly completed, so when Clara didn't find Marina in the studio, she wasn't overly surprised. She listened for sounds coming from other parts of the complex which of course wasn't exactly small, but she heard nothing, so the house was her next bet, in particular Marina's bedroom. She knew Marina liked to withdraw there with a book in the calm quiet and comfort of her own private space if she could find the time for it. Clara turned to walk towards the bedroom, and right then she heard a muffled sound, footsteps, some rustling of paper, more footsteps, a few seconds of quiet again, followed by a quiet humming of a tune. Clara smiled as she immediately recognized Marina's voice and identified the tune at the same time. Her smile grew as she remembered the thrilling experience of dancing to it with Marina a few months ago. She fondly remembered it as pretty much the first time she didn't hold back as she had just realized she wanted to be a part of this, wanted to know what 'this' was, because it simply felt too good not to explore. She listened some more, the humming wasn't very loud, but Clara thought that it was a joy to listen to. She also hoped beyond hope that Marina was alone.

She knew there was only way to find out, yet she found herself still where she was. She was more than aware of her own need to see Marina sooner rather than later and it wasn't like she wasn't sure about this, about wanting to go towards that voice that she loved so much. Truth was, she'd never been more sure about wanting anything in her entire life, but she still wasn't moving. Clara took a few moments, almost as if she knew that this next step would likely be the biggest step she'd take in her life and would mark a radical new beginning and a different future than she'd always expected to have. It wasn't just acknowledging of what was to come, Clara also realized that by embracing this new and unknown future, she'd be saying goodbye to another part of her, a previous version of Clara, one who had a husband and only realized how much she was missing when she found all those missing pieces in the eyes of a photographer. Even though the marriage didn't work out and she now knew that many things had been lacking, at the time she didn't know she was missing so much, which meant she thought she'd been happy. Even thought she knew the truth now, she never hated her life and that life also gave her her son, one of the two most important people in her heart. As the other of the two was peacefully humming in her bedroom, Clara found herself saying goodbye to who she was and to the life she had. She would always stay closely connected to it through Ivan, but she could feel herself closing a chapter while she swallowed back a lump.

She closed her eyes when she was suddenly hit by a flash of nervousness as it dawned on her that this was it. She'd finally see Marina, the woman that brought so much joy to her heart by stealing it, that confused her so very much she didn't know how to explain what was happening to her and that this was actually what love felt like. Who made her feel like a teenager, stuttering because her head wouldn't work the way it usually did and sentences didn't seem to come out the way she meant to, who made her feel like an idiot but in the best way possible because she also felt more alive than ever before. Marina who had shown her the way to herself, something she felt was the most precious gift anyone could ever give her. Marina, who had waited for her with endless patience and respect.

Clara was about to open the door when she heard Flavinha's voice behind her, "Clarinha?" She turned her head to find her friend a few meters away. "Hey." she said.

"I was ehm, on my way... just going to..." Clara stumbled on her words as she tried to make light of why she was here, but when she saw the knowing grin appear on Flavinha's face, she chuckled and wondered why she was even trying. She found a spot on the floor to stare at for a bit. "I was about to go in." she sheepishly admitted.

Flavinha nodded proudly at her. She had seen their whole story unfold from the very start and couldn't be happier that they had finally reached this point. She knew exactly why Clara was here and what was likely going to happen after Clara walked through that door.

"I'll leave you to it then." Flavinha said as she turned to leave. "You two have fun today." she added with a smirk.

"Thanks" Clara replied and she was pretty sure she'd seen a wink. Her thoughts returned to that interesting daydream she'd had earlier and she knew that if it was up to her, that wasn't going to be a problem. Then something else suddenly occurred to her and she quickly turned towards Flavinha again.

"Also..." she began, then bit her lip while she searched for a way to put it, "If you happen to hear Vanessa mention anything about having to go up to Marina's room for something, you know... for whatever reason, I... well..."

Clara took a second to choose how to finish her sentence, but before she could, Flavinha gave her the answer she wanted along with a reassuring smile, "I'll make sure to talk her out of it."

Clara smiled warmly at her and mouthed a "Thank you." Flavinha nodded at this while a grin appeared once again on her face. "You still wanna lock the door, though." she quipped. Without needing a reply, she left Clara alone with her thoughts and only one door separating her from Marina.

Reaching for the door handle, she took half a moment to recognize the importance of right now, of this moment in her life, knowing that opening this door would mean a completely new start. It was a frightening thought, she was a certainly a decent amount of scared, but it was the kind of scared that let her rise to the occasion, the kind of pressure that gave her a certain urgency, a challenge even. One that right now, she wasn't sure on how to deal with yet, but she could already feel the courage building up inside and it gave her back the confidence that she had come to rely on so often already and that had guided her through many unknowns.

This was the best kind of fear, the kind that made her want to shout it to the rest of the world because of the significance it held in her heart. She smiled quietly to herself, then with determination in her grip, she opened the door and let herself into the room. The room was dark compared to the well-lit hallway she'd just been in, but after closing the door behind her, she found it was exactly the amount of light she liked. She remembered Flavinha's last words and turned the lock on the door, hearing a click when the lock fell in place. She could see Marina sitting on her bed, her hair falling carelessly over her shoulders.

Clara slowly approached the bed and when she was almost next to it, she could see Marina reading a book. The beauty of the scene before her left her stunned for a moment and she stopped in her tracks. She gasped at the sight of the woman she loved so dearly. Marina turned her head towards the quiet sound that had taken her concentration and their eyes finally met again. Clara smiled, wanted to say something but couldn't figure out what, because Marina's expression said it all and wiped everything from her mind. Marina's eyes spoke to her and she knew exactly what they said because she had felt all the same feelings of longing, of being incomplete.

Marina moved towards the edge of the bed and got up without breaking eye contact. Her eyes were full of joy, of finally. They stood face to face, not a single word had been spoken yet, Marina took a step towards Clara, brought one hand up to her cheek and caressed it, as if she wanted to make sure she was really here. Their eyes both welled up with tears, Marina gazed at her, a question on her face. Clara simply nodded. Marina breathed in deeply and that same breath left her again in shocking intervals, emotion about to take over. In response, Clara moved her arms around her and gently took her in a warm embrace, slower than she ever had before, then held her tighter than she'd ever been held. They stood like this for a moment, Clara buried her face in Marina's neck, drowning in the touch and the scent they both had to miss for so long.

"You're here." Marina uttered, almost in disbelief.

Clara held on to her even tighter in response, then she let go of the embrace and looked Marina in the eyes. The sight of Marina in front of her, so vulnerable, so overcome with joy, with utter bliss, it made her insides melt like ice cream in the sun.

"Marina, I'm so sorry I made you wait all this time." she whispered. One arm was still around Marina's waist, the other moved up to her face, her thumb tracing her cheek, catching a tear that had escaped her eyes and was finding its way down.

Marina slowly shook her head, she wanted to say that it had all been worth it, she knew what she'd been waiting for, but Clara spoke before she could.

"I promise I'll never make you wait ever again." Clara's voice was unsteady, even though with every fibre inside her she meant what she said. "I promise."

Marina stared at her for a moment longer before she nodded slowly.

"I still can't believe you're here." she said again, breathing in deeply, her gaze shooting from Clara's eyes to her lips and back up, not knowing which to focus on. Clara could feel Marina's arms around her and the realization of their intimate embrace, their faces only centimeters apart, gave her a sudden sense of urgency, of need, of her body heating up and her mind almost going blank.

In a flash Clara thought back to her little daydream outside, right before she entered the house and she realized that she suddenly understood. All the love that was in that room she had witnessed, that desire, that need, all those sensations she felt ever since the first time she saw Marina's eyes staring at hers, those sensations she feared before she embraced them, they'd been guiding her just so she would be ready for right now. They'd been this strong all this time, this overwhelming, so they could prepare her for the intensity of this moment, the one she'd been living towards all this time. She was finally ready.

She knew she wasn't afraid anymore.

"Marina," she spoke quietly, "I'm home."

Clara saw Marina's eyes, dark and bright, her gaze more intense than ever, looking at her with a yet unsatisfied hunger evident on her lips, she lowered her finger to those lips and traced them gently, so very gently that she almost wasn't touching them but it felt like her fingers were on fire nonetheless. She felt her own lips burning with that same desire and pulled Marina's body into hers. She could feel their hips pressed together, Marina's breasts on her own, she could feel Marina's body touch her in all the places she needed it. All the places except the one she needed most of all. She needed it right now.

With an urge unknown to her, she closed the gap between them and pressed their lips together. When she finally felt the sweet embrace of Marina's lips on her own, it took away her breath in ways she couldn't describe if she tried. It was like everything finally made sense, every riddle she'd ever had to solve, this had been the answer to all of them. When she felt Marina's arms pull her even closer, something flared up low in her tummy that seemed to come all the way from her toes and shot straight through to her head, leaving her dizzy and breathless. She couldn't fathom having been without this for so long and she knew she couldn't be without it ever again.

As overwhelmed as she was by the first touch of their lips, it wasn't enough. Her tongue sought access and was granted entry immediately and as their kiss intensified, so did their desire for more. The feeling of Marina's mouth on her own was the most wonderful feeling she'd ever experienced and she knew this was only the beginning. She wanted to feel that mouth everywhere, she wanted her own mouth to be everywhere. If Marina's lips tasted this good, she couldn't wait to find out what the rest of her tasted like.

The realization of what was to come, hit her like a wave of flames. She broke the kiss and rested her forehead against Marina's while her eyes remained closed. Their breathing was deep, heavy, fast. After what felt like the most intense moments of Clara's life, she needed a moment. She felt lightheaded, but it was the good kind, the kind she wanted to always feel, yet it was so intense that she needed a moment to gather herself. She opened her eyes slowly and found Marina's blissful smile on swollen lips, red from the heat of their kiss. Marina patiently waited for Clara to get herself back together, she raised her hand to Clara's face and lovingly caressed her forehead, her cheeks, then settled in the back of Clara's neck, entangled with her hair.

Marina leaned in and pressed her cheeks up to Clara's, their lips just centimeters apart. For a moment they stood like this, relishing the feeling of each other's face onto their own. The smell of Marina made Clara want to taste her again and she turned her head into Marina's and placed her lips on her cheeks, then on the bottom of her jaw, down in her neck. She placed warm kisses on every patch of skin she could find and she wanted to find them all. Marina gasped at the trail of kisses in her neck and the sound gave Clara an even greater sense of need. Suddenly Marina broke the embrace, her chest moving rapidly in excitement and she looked at Clara while she tried to catch her breath.

"Clara," she said, her voice trembling, "when do you have to... if you have to go soon..." Marina was looking for the words, trying to form the question she was afraid to know the answer to. "Maybe we should..."

Clara placed a finger on Marina's lips, interrupting her. "I don't have to go. I can stay all night." she whispered.

Marina's lips turned into a careful smile, as if she almost couldn't believe it, that this moment was finally happening. "You're staying with me tonight?"

Clara nodded slowly, intensely looking Marina in the eyes, trying to make her see exactly what her intentions were. "All night."

She placed a soft kiss on Marina's lips, gently traced a thumb over her cheek. "I promised I won't make you wait ever again."

Marina let the thought sink in for a moment, then leaned in again and captured Clara's lips once again with her own. While their lips fought a searing battle, Clara found herself tugging at Marina's shirt and when she felt her own hand on the bare skin of Marina's back, the fire inside her lit up even more and the thought of not having Marina's skin against her own became almost too painful. She broke the kiss only long enough to be able to remove Marina's shirt over her head, then found herself staring at Marina in awe. She reached up and placed her hands on Marina's sides, her thumbs trailing over her tummy. She felt Marina gasp for air as her whole body trembled beneath her fingers. Knowing that it was her touch that made this reaction happen got Clara even more worked up. She felt Marina's fingers grab her own shirt and willingly lift up her arms to let her pull it over her head. Marina stood there admiring the sight for a moment before she leaned in and placed a hand on Clara's back so she could pull her closer, then kissed Clara's breast right above her bra, sending all kinds of sensations to all kinds of places.

Marina kissed her way back up towards Clara's face, when she reached it she paused for a moment and looked Clara straight in the eyes. "Clara, I love you. So much."

Clara swallowed, still amazed by the sight of Marina in front of her and cupped her face, staring intently in her eyes. "I love you, Marina."

She kissed her softly again, then looked at her once more and bit her lips. "I love you and I'm yours." she whispered.

Their lips crashed together once again, more intense than ever, an explosion of passion finally able to find the way out. Clara felt Marina's strong arms lowering her onto the bed and when she felt her body being showered in kisses, Clara knew that everything made sense.


End file.
